10 – 13 July

Dubai is a funny place. It didn’t really exist 50 years ago and seems to have been developed based on an intense desire for one upmanship, requiring everything to be the biggest, largest, longest or sparkliest. It is a mixing pot of cultures (something like 70% of the world’s population is within 8 hours flight; the locals only make up 11% of those that live here), wealth (a stark dichotomy of the wealthy and those that are building skyscrapers for the wealthy) and the physical environment (manicured gardens, golf courses and deserts right next door to each other). The fact that this has all sprung up in the last 40 years makes it all the more remarkable. As a visitor, we felt that you either loved it or hated it… and our group was slightly split. 

We started our day as would quickly become tradition… with a 4 course breakfast. The best in the world (actually no, voted by Ellie as the second best in the world after the Crowne Plaza Hunter Valley – note to self, these kids are way too spoilt). After filling ourselves and our bags with an assortment of tasty breakfasty goodness we went for a quick swim and headed off to Dubai Mall (the largest in the world) and to check out the Burj Khalifa (the tallest building in the world). 

We spent the morning wandering around the mall, admiring the (pretty amazing) indoor aquarium, ice skating rink (nothing compared to Macquarie Centre) and generally spending the morning why they didn’t need model statues, stuffed toy camels, sheesha pipes, bikinis, burquas or little containers of sand and snacking on our contraband breakfast foods. Now this was travelling! 

Slightly jaded and to the dulcit tones of Peasy completely melting down over jetlag and the loss of her pram (yes, we got our 4 ½ year old a pram to walk around a mall because we couldn’t cope with the whinging, and we felt that abandoning her in a foreign country may not be appropriate), we made our way back to hotel for a quick swim before heading out for our desert safari adventure. 

We were full of high hopes and some trepidation (it was 44 degrees) as our Land Cruiser pulled up. We piled in, having almost enough seat belts as we did passengers and made our way out of the city, past ‘Dragon Mall’ (a 1 km long shopping mall stocked entirely with Chinese products), past the places where the expats don’t live and to the border of Sharjah and Dubai. 

We turned off the road and into the desert for some ‘sand duning’ on our way to the desert camp where we were to have an ‘authentic’ (read: absolutely made up for tourists with no relation to reality either past or present) desert experience. Our authentic local guide (from Pakistan), expertly navigated the sand dunes whilst talking to his mates and sending messages on WhatsApp. The screaming from the back seat was immediate and piercing. (NB: this was still voted as a highlight in retrospect). 

We stopped at a ‘beautiful lookout’ (just us and 30 other random tourists, similarly questing for peaceful and secluded desert experiences) and so we could be upsold a photo with an eagle. (tempting, but no). 

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We eventually arrived at our desert camp (the ‘biggest in the world – no, they can’t back that up) It was still 44 degrees at 5pm and we had 2.5 hours to amuse ourselves before dinner and general festivities kicked off. We were part excited to be sandboarding and camel riding, part concerned about how the kids would cope in the extreme heat. 

We were introduced to 2 lonely looking camels (according to Sena, both named Taco), a snowboard with broken bindings on the top of a 6 foot high mound and a sparkling fleet of quad bikes (extra charge applies). 

We hit the sandboarding first. (NB: always prepared, Anthony had packed goggles for the kids to protect their eyes as they careered down the imagined dunes). He went first to ensure safety… did his best to attach the snowboard to feet without bindings, launched himself off the top of the hill… and didn’t go anywhere. Absolutely no forward movement. Let alone careering down the hill. Change of plans. Kids strapped on for a photo opportunity and dragged around by Anthony for a (very short) time  (no goggles required) before the curtains were drawn on our sandboarding adventure. 

Camels were next. 3 kids and one adult jumped on to the back of Taco #2 (more efficient in bulk) for our camel safari. Our authentic Pakistani guide led Taco #1 (carrying 2 English girls also having an authentic desert experience), followed by Taco #2 (carrying us, so close that Taco #2 had his nose in places where no decent camel should have to go). 

After the squealing from standing up on the camel (and pausing for photos), we departed for our desert safari – which led us on a marvelous adventure of discovery of about 40 metres around the sparkly quad bikes before returning to our point of departure. Strangely, the girls seemed quite satisfied by the extent of their experience (note to self, stop trying to over commit on these things). 

In total, sandboarding and dromadare-based activities had consumed approximately 7 minutes and we found ourselves with 2 hours and 23 minutes to burn before the evening activities started. Needless to say, we were the first to arrive. We made our way into the ‘desert camp’ – an area comprising mainly souvenir sellers, a bar (additional fees apply – and closed) and a set of low tables around a stage (promising for later) and sought out some shade to wait out the worst of the heat. 

Time next 2 hours passed in a heat stroke induced haze, dousing kids in water (included!) and ice to try and keep them cool. This was only partially successful, with both Jessie and Sena succumbing at various times. 

Morale lifted as the sun dropped and temperature with it and more groups arrived, unaware at how fortunate their fashionably late arrival was. Some passed through the sandboarding/camel experience, some saw the futility of this and filed straight into the camp. The shiny quad bikes even fired up once or twice. 

Sunset photos over the (slightly rubbish strewn) landscape were taken, inevitably with one or more other tourists photo bombing in the background. 

At 7.30, as the last of the light departed from the sky, snacks were provided, the bar opened and performances started. Kicking off was a guy who basically spun around consistently for about 10 minutes. Sounds unimpressive? That’s what we thought for the first 30 seconds, from there it was ever increasing amazement and awe that he didn’t fall over. As a spun he had various props and costumes that spun with him which was actually really impressive… and loved by the kids. 

The second performance was a (somewhat self trained) fire dancer. Unfortunately his confidence was not matched by his ability, and throughout the course of the performance he managed to almost impale himself on a fiery stick (dropped from a high throw) and catch his foot on fire. It would have been more amusing had we not been in the front row (benefits of our early arrival) and getting increasinly concerned that we were going to end up with a flaming child (or no eyebrows). 

The final performance of the evening was a belly dancer (imported we think???) who, despite the slightly dubious example it set for our girls, was actually pretty amazing. She strutted her stuff around the stage, wiggling bits that Ellie in particular has never even been aware of before. The girls jaws were on the floor and we can only imagine what is going to be practiced in front of the mirror for the next few weeks! 

At 8.30 sharp, just as the final notes of the last song were lingering in the air, the lights came on and the boss guy yelled out ‘Finished!’ and we were all booted out. (maybe he had somewhere else to be). True our party animal roots, we were the last to leave as our ride back to Dubai had to take everyone else first. 

On the way home, Ellie (our Duracell bunny) finally ran out of juice and crashed. On arrival back at the hotel there were cries of ‘I’m not going to make it’ that were reminiscent of a World War I battle as she faced the elevators to get back to the lobby. 

Make it we did, and finally crashed into bed, still battling jetlag and generally exhausted.

12 July 

For our final full day in Dubai we headed to Acquaventure waterpark (you guessed it, the biggest in the world) to unashamedly do nothing of cultural significance other than invest in the local economy. 

After our now standard 4 course breakfast, we headed there for opening time, amazed that our pre bought tickets actually worked (mostly). The kids were suitably amazed at the Palm in general at the Atlantis resort in particular. The waterpark itself was also hughely succesful – with heaps of activities to keep all ages satisfied. 

Some of the highlights were the ‘rabbit hole’ (the way Sena described the rapids, a multi kilometre river that meandered through the entire property); Acquaconda (Jessie’s favourite slide) and the Leap of Faith (a nearly vertical drop that Ellie was quite fond of). 

After the park, we popped into the ‘Forgotten City’ aquarium at Atlantis – which was also a big hit and included the largest single tank we’ve ever seen (no doubt the largest in the world). 

We returned, shattered again, to the hotel and made up for missing afternoon tea by smashing happy hour instead. 

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13 July 

Our last morning in Dubai was spent mooching around the hotel (we’re trying to pace ourselves here). The girls wrote their diaries and did maths homework (start as you mean to go on)! Sena drew pictures. Multi course breakfasts were consumed and conversations had around good and bad food choices. A final swim in the pool was enjoyed. 

We jumped on the metro back to the airport, retrieved the fullness of our luggage (still slightly disbelieving that the system does work) and breezed through business class check in. After a fairly long and arduous trek to the gate (amid much whingeing and no small amount of child carrying), Anthony and Ellie (this time) hit the lounge for one last time to scoff and then smuggle out as much food as humanly possible (damn these 2 person only lounge access rules!). 

Suitably satiated, we hopped on our plane to Lyon and bid farewell to Dubai. Still a city of many contradictions but a worthwhile stopover. 

Stage one done. Europe, here we come!